Confessions of an Ex-Bikini Girl: A Giant Public Apology

Really Robin?  REALLY?  No

Let's play Jeopardy:

"People like to see my progress pics.  It motivates them."
"I just post ab pics to show people that they can do it too."
"It's not a booty shot, I'm showing everyone how hard I work on my glutes."

What are things I tell myself when I'm lying?  Ding ding ding!

Yeah, I was THAT girl.  Picking up my shirt, slight head tilt to the right, ab shot in the bathroom mirror.  And post - "Abs are made in the kitchen.  Keep that diet tight!"  Timer cam pic of my ass in a bikini - no wait I don't like the lighting.  Retake.  No I liked my pose better the first time.  Retake.  And post - "So proud of my glute progress.  Squats baby!"

Chances are if you're reading this blog, you have at least one friend on Facebook who does what I used to do.  Hell, maybe you ARE that person.  So let me explain for you the mentality behind these pics.

Competing as a physique athlete is a giant mind-f*ck.  Your life revolves around how you look.  That was my life for 4 years.  So as for the "progress pics" - they are posted from a place of needing validation.  Although I'd never admit it then (nor will the girls who do it now) I NEEDED to see people liking my picture.  I NEEDED to read the comments telling me I looked great, telling me I was motivating (which I wasn't), telling me they wish they could look like that, telling me I was pretty, telling me the wanted to be just... like... me!  And I'm happy they're not.  That is not a good person to be.  I'd tell myself I posted those pics to motivate others or to "hold myself accountable."  But looking back now, I know that's a load of crap.  I wasn't posting those pics to motivate other people, I posted those pics because the comments/likes/shares motivated me!  They fueled the ginormous ego-beast inside me.  I wanted to hear from other people how awesome I was.  And that's... well... sad, pathetic, childish.

These "progress pics" weren't motivating.  They were a GIANT neon sign to the world screaming, "I'm insecure.  Like my ab pic!  LIKE IT!!!!  LIKE MY ABS!  LIKE ME!!!!"  And yes - it makes me a little sick to my stomach now that I was that girl.  That I advertised my insecurities. I wore them like a badge of freaking honor - Lieutenant Robin von Insecurity, reporting for duty SIR!

So to all of you who I annoyed the living crap out of with my "progress pics" - I present to you on a silver platter a giant heart-felt apology. I'm sorry.  I was a chick-douche. Douchette?

During my last prep I did not post one single progress pic. I knew it was going to be my last competition ever, and this time I wanted to do it with a little dignity, a little pride, and an ounce of maturity.

And now that I'm coaching competition girls and nutrition clients, I STILL don't post ab/booty shots to try and round up more clients. How my abs or butt look on any given day has nothing to do with where I've come from, what I know, and how my clients respond.  I'm a well educated woman, my clients speak for themselves and THEY are my best advertisements, not myself.  I'd like to think my clients, prospective clients, and society in general will respect me more if I carry myself as a strong knowledgeable woman than as an insecure girl.  And well - I would add "professional" to the strong knowledgeable part - but I think I talk about poop too much for that.  Hey, still gotta be me, right? 

A Letter to Myself - Half a Lifetime Ago

Me at 17

 

 

Dear 17 Year Old Robin,

You’re graduating high school this year!  Can you believe it?  This senior year you’ve just started to embark upon is going to be one of the most memorable years of your life.  I know your high school experience up until this point hasn’t been the greatest.  Teenagers can be cruel to kids who actually like learning, who don’t know how to dress “cool”, are socially awkward, and aren’t the “prettiest peach in the forest” – you’ll find out what that means when you’re 33.  But guess what?  Like all things in life – it doesn’t last.

College is going to have more highs and lows than you can possibly imagine.  Continuing to compete in sports acrobatics for your first 2 years is going to give you more confidence and discipline than you can comprehend.  And when you quit, you are going to feel LOST.  And scared.  You’re going to join a sorority which will bring you some of the most amazing friends – and will also show you the kind of woman you don’t want to be.  But unfortunately you’re going to have to become that woman first.  But like all things in life – it doesn’t last.

You’re going to continue to fall into the deep depression that has been setting in since you were in 10^th grade.  And that depression is going to grow and manifest in you – exponentially.  You’re going to turn to alcohol to deal with it, and sex.  You are going to HATE yourself.  You’re going to hate yourself so much that one day you’re going to learn the horrendous buzzing in your ears that results from chasing a bottle of Advil with a bottle of NyQuil and vodka.  But like all things in life – it doesn’t last.

You’re going to graduate with a degree in math – whoda thunk? You’re going to be a teacher and learn how truly patient and strong teachers are.  And you’re not going to share those gifts.  So you’ll move on, to another job that you don’t love.  But like all things in life – it doesn’t last.

You’re going to start competing in fitness competition.  You, on stage in a bikini.  Remember that little wall-flower you were through high school?  She takes a flying leap out of her shell – more like a swan dive into an empty pool. You’ll obsess over how you look, over what other people think of you, over every little fat cell.  You’ll spend 4 years of your life dieting and gaining, dieting and gaining.  You’ll stare at yourself in the mirror no less than 20 times every... single… DAY.  The very thing you started to build confidence will completely destroy it.  You’re going to deal with feeling ugly, and fat.  But like all things in life – it doesn’t last.

You’re going to enter a relationship with the most amazing man.  Jesus.  Yeah, remember him?  One day He’s going to knock on the door of your heart, and you’ll finally invite Him in.  He’s going to show you that your fitness career was never about you, it was about everyone else BUT you.  You met some of the most incredible people. You found friendship, you found lovers, you found people who had a place in your heart before you even met them.  You found that you have a gift for helping people.  That love of learning that you were once ashamed of will prove to be one of the things you value most about yourself.  That love will help you change the lives of others, give them their health back, find a confidence in themselves that they’ve never seen before.  And every night before bed, you’re going to pray that this is one thing in life that does last.

So 17 Year Old Robin, you have a crazy, beautiful, tragic, exciting, scary, depressing, joyful life ahead of you.  So this feeling you have now of being scared where life is going to take you… like all things in life – it doesn’t last.

XOXO,

Almost 34 Year Old Robin

25 Things You Didn't Know About Me

My friend Kari just posted her "Things You Didn't Know About Me" blog and challenged people to do the same.  So here's mine!

1. When I do something wrong, I lecture myself using my full name.  "Robin Jean Romero - don't ever do that again!"
2.  I didn't get my drivers license until I was 18.
3.  I'm allergic to bee stings.
4.  I learned that by stepping on one.
5.  My favorite thing to do growing up was baking cookies with my mom.
6.  I got my first kiss in a movie theater watching "Nightmare Before Christmas"
7.  I hate bacon.
8.  I have dreams that I'm diagnosed with cancer and happy about it because my sister had cancer when she was 16 and I was jealous of the attention she got.
9.  I should probably see a therapist about that.
10.  My biggest fears are enclosed spaces and the Blue Man Group.
11.  I can see peoples auras.
12.  I will gladly pay $25 to valet my car if it means avoiding parallel parking.
13.  I got a C in my first quarter of calculus and cried.
14.  I'm a horrible liar, so I don't it.
15.  When I was in kindergarten my dad told me every time I got sick, he'd get another grey hair.  I believed him and cried every single time I got sick until about the 4th grade when I figured out that wasn't true.
16.  I fall asleep on airplanes before they take off.
17.  I won a "Macarena" dance contest at yearbook camp the summer before my senior year of high school.
18.  One of the most frustrating things I've ever tried to learn was how to juggle. My hand-eye coordination sucks balls.
19.  I've never been in love.
20.  I've always wanted to take fencing classes, inspired by the sword play in "The Princess Bride"
21.  I quote lines from "Wayne's World" more than any other movie.
22.  I think I did of hypothermia in a past life, I get panic attacks when I'm really cold.
23.  My mom taught me how to crochet when I was really young.  I used to make clothes for my cabbage patch kids without a pattern.
24.  In elementary school I got excellent grades in everything except penmanship.
25.  My boobs turned 2 years old today.

The Final Countdown - Peak Week Exhaustion

Seems like everyone I know is gearing up to get on the competition stage soon and show off the results of months of strict dieting and training.  Enter: peak week.  The week before the show that may or may not involve dietary, water, and training changes.  Regardless if you deplete and load, or just stay the course, people are typically very tired, grumpy, angry, irritable, and completely EXHAUSTED. 

People as me why?  "Why am I so tired?"  "Is it normal to feel this exhausted?"  "Shouldn't I be more excited?"  "Why am I so weak?"

It's simple.  Your mind is done.  It's a few steps ahead of you.  I relate this to marathon runners crossing the finish line.  If you've ever watched the finish line of a marathon, you'll see these runners in perfect stride for miles and miles.  And then they can see the finish line, and that beautiful stride gets broken.  The powerful legs turn to jello and get shaky.  JUST from seeing the finish line.  Their mind says "There it is!  We are SO done!"  Nope, still have some distance to run.  So the body starts trying to relax and recover before the race is even complete.

That is what peak weak is.  In your mind, you can see the stage.  You see the finish line.  Your mind says "Score!  At this time next week we're done with this diet, lets start recovering now!"  Nope, still have a week to get through despite your body's insistence that you're done and ready to relax.

So yes, it is normal to feel like complete and utter roadkill during peak week.  And ummmm... if you're getting ready to compete for the first time, I'm just kidding.  It's all sunshine and daisies and shitting rainbows.  :-D

So You Train Your Body - Do You Train Your Brain?

We lift, we press, we pull, we sprint, we climb, we sweat, we TRAIN HARD!  We sculpt strong well defined bodies, but how many of us remember to train our brain?

Now I'm not talking about doing endless amounts of sudoku puzzles, studying vector calculus, and trying to solve the Kobayashi Maru. (Oh shit!  Did she just make a Star Trek reference?)  I'm talking about training your brain to benefit your fitness endeavors.

HUNGRY?  THIRSTY?  BORED?  CRAVING?

One of the biggest struggles physique athletes face is getting a grip on their diet.  There are a ton of ways to diet your body down to compete or for shoots, are to just plain look good.  Finding the diet that works for you is step one, actually sticking to it is step two.  If you've never attempted a competition diet, let me tell you it.is.HARD!  Mentally.  You're denying your body of natural urges, not always eating when you're hungry, not succumbing to cravings.  One thing you mentally have to train your brain is to know the differences between hungry, thirsty, bored, and craving.  Easiest way I've found of doing this, is simply to wait!  Drop whatever you're doing, drink some water and distract yourself for 5 minutes.  After that time is up, are you still hungry?  Usually not, just bored or craving.  If those 5 minutes are up and you are still legitimately hungry, reach for some veggies!  I like to opt for cucumbers because their high water content keeps my belly full.  If you're craving, it's definitely more difficult.  For me, I try to distract myself as much as possible. Watching a movie or tv allows your mind too much room to wander back to food, so try calling a friend, reading a book, playing a game.  I like to text the guy I have a ridiculous school girl crush on, because he usually tells me he's craving baked goods too, and that we don't need them, and then he'll change the subject so that we're not talking about food.  Works every time!

POST CHEAT PUNISHMENT

You messed up on your diet, you ate a cookie... or 12.  You meant to grab 2 almonds and ate 2 handfuls.  Just one little bitty spoonful of Nuts-N-More chocolate almond butter turned into eating the entire jar.  (Yes, these are all things I've done.)  So go to the gym and hop on the stair monster for an hour and burn off those extra calories, right? 

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-You... and you are SO WRONG!

Why are you so unbelievably wrong? Punishment cardio is training your mind to think you can delete a mistake with extra cardio.  It's telling yourself "Oh I can eat whatever I want because I can just un-eat it with extra cardio."  You're training your brain to do it again!  So what should you do?  NOTHING.  You messed up.  Oops.  Move on.  Feel the guilt for a bit, let it remind you that you don't want to do that again.  And then just move on.  One mistake isn't going to throw you off.  Several mistakes will!  So don't train your brain to think those mistakes are okay, train yourself to not make them again!

KNOW WHY YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU DO

Do what your trainer tells you to do and ignore the unsolicited advice of others.  You'll hear that from a lot of people.  But do you ever bother to take the time to find out WHY your trainer makes you do what you do?  Why do you have to drink so much water?  Why aren't you eating fat pre and post workout?  What are those delicious BCAA's doing?  Why is that 619 Muscle protein such an awesome option for post workout protein?  Why does my muscle recover so much quicker when I eat Betancourt Nutrition's Glutamine Chewies?  Train your brain!  Learn the answers to these questions.  Consistency is the main key to progress, and when we know why we're supposed to do certain things, that consistency becomes so much easier!

So take the time to train your brain, it will only make your body better!

My Favorite Things of 2012

I frequently get asked what products I use and love, both for health/nutrition, and just life in general.  So I thought I'd wrap up my blog for the year with a list of my favorite things!

PROTEIN:

 Oh hai Brad Albertson

This is probably the question I get asked most frequently.  619 Muscle Foundations protein is my favorite. Yes, I am sponsored by them but I chose my sponsors based on products I use and believe in!  So what do I love about this one?  It's clean.  118 calories, 26 g protein, 0 g carbs, 1 g fat, sweetened with stevia, loaded with BCAA's and glutamine.  I absolutely love it!  The peanut butter flavor is my fav! 

PRE-WORKOUT:

This stuff will blow your MIND!

D-Stunner by Betancourt Nutrition is something that I've recently been introduced to and HOLY COW!  It was love at first try!  This pre-workout is not the cracked energy jittery type that makes you feel like Beavis when he turns into the Great Cornholio.  And no jitters means no crash!  Just a nice bump in strength, power and breathing.  That's right, it helps you breathe better! There is a bronchostimulator in this product to help improve your breathing during exertion!

GRIPS:

Yes... my grips are pink and black like everything else I own

I REFUSED to leave the Olympia Expo this year until I bought Versa Gripps because I didn't want to have to pay shipping online.  Well in the midst of all the excitement I completely forgot to go shopping - how incredibly unlike me!  In the last 15 minutes of the expo I frantically ran over to the Versa Gripps booth to snag my pink and black FIT model grips.  I absolutely love the control and improved grip I have when training with these. The FIT series is designed for my girly smaller hands and freakishly small wrists.  I lost these for 2 days and was devastated.  They enhance my workouts SO much!

SPORTS BRA:

The Robin Bra - named after ME!  Not kidding!

I am absolutely in LOVE with BodyRock Sport!  Kelly has designed some amazing bras that are not only the most comfortable and supportive out of all the gazillion sports bras I've owned, but they're fun and fashionable!  This year I was beyond flattered that she whipped up the fun green one pictured above and named it after me!  These bras are great because they even have hidden pockets to store a key or iPod AND it has a light layer of padding so that the whole gym doesn't know when you're cold.  Bonus!

GYM BAG:

Nice bag!

I don't travel lightly, that includes when I go to the gym.  I am an OCD organizational freak. Enter: The Peacoat Class bag by Fitmark.  It's like a dream come true, in a super high quality back pack.  Shoes go in the bottom, insulated compartment for your water bottle, padded back pocket for a laptop, anti microbial bag for your funky sweaty clothes.  SO FABULOUS!

BLOG THAT ISN'T MINE:

So badass!

Yes, I read other people's blogs.  This gorgeous lady is Kari Keenan - a figure competitor determined to earn her IFBB pro card.  She's hard-working, smart, sweet, a great writer, and she sends me pictures of cats.  Duh, of course I love her!  Her blog covers so many great topics from training, to dealing with the emotional hardships of prep.

IPHONE APP FOR THE GYM:

Did I mention I hate interval training?

I hate doing intervals.  Like really, A LOT!  They kick my ass and make me pray for death, but it's a very highly effective way of training, thus I do it.  I found this app and its AMAZING!  Again it appeals to the organizational freak in me because you can color code the warmup, highs, lows, and cool down periods.  You pick the length for each period, number of intervals and BAM you're on your way.  It takes all of a minute to set up.  

RANDOM GIRLY CRAP:

Game changer!

 I have horrible skin.  HORRIBLE!  Total combination skin, acne prone, just disgusting.  This stuff changed it A LOT! Much more even skin tone, faded old acne scars, just youthful glowy skin!

FAVORITE PERSON ON THE PLANET:

Alison Burgess

Annie Parker

Okay so it's a tie.  But they're both blond fit girls with names that begin with "A" so I figure I can post them both.  Shuddup, it totally makes sense.   Miss Alison Burgess and I met about a year and a half ago competing but developed a great friendship this year.  She's my go-to gal for advice about basically everything under the sun.  She always says things that makes my mind go in directions I've never contemplated so I can honestly say I really am a better person for knowing her. And also, she sends me pictures of cats.  And then there's my little pocket sized friend Annie Parker.  We have one of those friendships that consists of finishing each others sentences, laughing at things that no one else understands, and even started a business together!

So that's it folks!  My favorites of 2012!  Wishing you all the best in the new year!  xoxo

Screw Being an Adult- Train Like a KID!: The Key to Fitness Success

I'm a big kid at heart.  I am still intrigued by the magic of Disneyland.  I make wishes on shooting stars and dandelions. I hate doing chores.  I love watching cartoons.  I have aspirations of one day opening an indoor tree climbing gym. I think boys are icky - well okay maybe not that part.

Do you remember being a little kid?  Did you ever run so fast you thought your legs were going to fall off? Or feel like an Olympic gymnast swinging on the monkey bars?  Remember when PE was your favorite time of day because you'd get to be active?  When did all that exercise become a chore?  The point is, we were active in our childhood because we made it fun!  We ran around because we chose to, not because we felt like we had to!  Make your workouts fun again.  BE A KID AGAIN!  Involve your friends and family! Seriously, try playing "Duck Duck Goose" as an adult. It's exhausting.  Sit down, get up, SPRINT, sit back down.  Interval workout baby!

How many of you have ever tried to have a conversation with a 3-year-old?  I'm sure lots of you have, which means you are well aware that the favorite word of every 3-year-old is "Why?"  So what happened to that?  When did we feel like we know so much that we stopped asking "Why?"  Surely we're not so arrogant as to think we know it all.  When you're working towards your fitness goals - whether they be to build muscle, burn fat, run faster, run further, lift heavier, live longer - don't forget to seek the answer to WHY you're doing the things that you do.  Why should you lift in that repetition range?  Why should you be eating those sorts of foods at those specific times?  Why do you have to drink so much damn water?  If you know the answers to these, good job little slugger!

Let's play $10,000 Pyramid.  Goldfish crackers... plastic bag full of cheerios... peanut butter and celery...  granola bars... THINGS THAT YOU SNACK ON!  Ding ding ding! Winner.  We ate more frequently as kids.  We snacked!  Common meal plan as adults: coffee for breakfast, sandwich for lunch, mid-afternoon latte, dinner, DONE.  Bad idea.  3 planned meals a day all involving protein, carbs, and healthy fats, with 3 snacks a day, MUCH better idea.  Eat like a kid, small frequent meals!  

You know what else we did better as kids than we do as adults?  Rest.  We took naps, we went to bed at a consistent time.  We slept in without guilt.  So do it!  SLEEP!  Sure you may have to sit down and manage your schedule a bit, but you need sleep.  And I know some of you are saying "I'll sleep when I'm dead."  Well cool, if that's your attitude that whole "dead" part is going to come MUCH sooner than you think.  8 hours of sleep per night gives you 16 quality hours of day.  5 hours of sleep gives you 19 ass-dragging coffee-chugging fatigued-body hours of the day.  Not really a great trade-off!

So my advice to you - be a kid.  Train like a kid - make it fun! Think like a kid - ask why!  Eat like a kid - small frequent meals!  Rest like a kid - ni-night!