Monday, April 30, 2012

Body Image - Change Your Glasses

This is a picture of me by the fabulous photographer Scott Allison of

I have to say, I'm pretty darn proud of this picture.  I'll never be a girl with skinny legs, I'm not genetically programmed for that.  There's a good deal of meat there from years of gymnastics and acrobatics, and my legs are where I store my fat, and I'm okay with that.  Those legs pack a lot of power.  In short, I love the way I look in the is picture. 

Fast-forward to the next day. 

I spend a bulk of the day crying over how I looked.  Why?  Because I shifted my focus from my photo shoot to my competitions in 4 and 6 weeks.  And in the world of the bikini division of body building competitions, this body is fat.  At my last competition I received a lot of criticism for not being lean enough and it was suggested that I drop another 5 lbs of fat before I step on stage again.  That equates to me needing to lose 8 lbs from this picture and that is a lot for someone my size.  Especially to do in 3 weeks before depleting.  Panic set it, and I felt fat.

I cried.

A lot. 


When just the day before, I was pool side in front of no less than 20 people in this itty bitty custom made bikini feeling confident and secure and so very comfortable in my own skin.

I feel like I own a few different pairs of glasses.  One for my normal every day self, a slightly different pair for photo shoots, and an incredibly harsh pair for competitions.  My personal goal is to be able to forget the image when I'm wearing "competition glasses" the second they come off my face and remember the pride and satisfaction I feel when I'm wearing "every day glasses".  This is my third year competing, and I'm still amazed at how much this sport messes with your mind.