I feel okay about my current body. I'm learning to accept it. My ass and boobs are GLORIOUSLY round when I have extra weight on. And I like the softness to my face better as opposed to how sharp my features get when I'm lean. I don't feel insecure about myself until I hit the gym because frankly that's the only time that people stare. To a passerby on the street, I look average - huge thanks to the obesity epidemic in America. Not big, not skinny, too much body fat to see any muscle definition. Just a soft curvy girl. In the gym however, I'm "chubby".
I have at the very least 8 weeks of continued caloric increase before I can start trying to get my body fat down again. I think it will take longer than that for my body to adjust. This is a much slower process than I ever imagined. But I owe it to myself to take the time and get there. Then it's time to cut SLOWLY down to a good maintenance weight for me - which is about 12 lbs less than my current state. If I can do that comfortably, then I can start cutting for competitions and photo shoots again. This is a very long road ahead of me... maybe I should buy more shoes!