Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Confessions of an Ex-Bikini Girl: A Giant Public Apology

Really Robin?  REALLY?  No

Let's play Jeopardy:

"People like to see my progress pics.  It motivates them."
"I just post ab pics to show people that they can do it too."
"It's not a booty shot, I'm showing everyone how hard I work on my glutes."

What are things I tell myself when I'm lying?  Ding ding ding!

Yeah, I was THAT girl.  Picking up my shirt, slight head tilt to the right, ab shot in the bathroom mirror.  And post - "Abs are made in the kitchen.  Keep that diet tight!"  Timer cam pic of my ass in a bikini - no wait I don't like the lighting.  Retake.  No I liked my pose better the first time.  Retake.  And post - "So proud of my glute progress.  Squats baby!"

Chances are if you're reading this blog, you have at least one friend on Facebook who does what I used to do.  Hell, maybe you ARE that person.  So let me explain for you the mentality behind these pics.

Competing as a physique athlete is a giant mind-f*ck.  Your life revolves around how you look.  That was my life for 4 years.  So as for the "progress pics" - they are posted from a place of needing validation.  Although I'd never admit it then (nor will the girls who do it now) I NEEDED to see people liking my picture.  I NEEDED to read the comments telling me I looked great, telling me I was motivating (which I wasn't), telling me they wish they could look like that, telling me I was pretty, telling me the wanted to be just... like... me!  And I'm happy they're not.  That is not a good person to be.  I'd tell myself I posted those pics to motivate others or to "hold myself accountable."  But looking back now, I know that's a load of crap.  I wasn't posting those pics to motivate other people, I posted those pics because the comments/likes/shares motivated me!  They fueled the ginormous ego-beast inside me.  I wanted to hear from other people how awesome I was.  And that's... well... sad, pathetic, childish.

These "progress pics" weren't motivating.  They were a GIANT neon sign to the world screaming, "I'm insecure.  Like my ab pic!  LIKE IT!!!!  LIKE MY ABS!  LIKE ME!!!!"  And yes - it makes me a little sick to my stomach now that I was that girl.  That I advertised my insecurities. I wore them like a badge of freaking honor - Lieutenant Robin von Insecurity, reporting for duty SIR!

So to all of you who I annoyed the living crap out of with my "progress pics" - I present to you on a silver platter a giant heart-felt apology. I'm sorry.  I was a chick-douche. Douchette?

During my last prep I did not post one single progress pic. I knew it was going to be my last competition ever, and this time I wanted to do it with a little dignity, a little pride, and an ounce of maturity.

And now that I'm coaching competition girls and nutrition clients, I STILL don't post ab/booty shots to try and round up more clients. How my abs or butt look on any given day has nothing to do with where I've come from, what I know, and how my clients respond.  I'm a well educated woman, my clients speak for themselves and THEY are my best advertisements, not myself.  I'd like to think my clients, prospective clients, and society in general will respect me more if I carry myself as a strong knowledgeable woman than as an insecure girl.  And well - I would add "professional" to the strong knowledgeable part - but I think I talk about poop too much for that.  Hey, still gotta be me, right? 

13 comments:

  1. Thank you for this. I have thought about this a lot too. I'm not prepping for any competition, but just for a healthier lifestyle all around. I catch myself writing posts on FB about my hardcore workout or something - posting on IG my workout, but I don't need the validation. I need to keep the fire light within myself because when it comes down to it, it's about what I see, what I think, doing all I do for a party of one.

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  2. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in sharing this

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  3. I have been there and done that! And you are completely correct on the fact that it is an ego boost and it takes a ton of humility and self introspection to realize that! I still take a few workout pics at the gym because I live in smallville and dont compete and need some motivation to not shove food in my face all the time. But I try to make them like a photojournalism shot, something that conveys the mood or what I am feeling at that time. I love photos that tell a story or convey a mood so it kind of combines both of my hobbies into one. Great article.

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  4. crazy how 'selfies' have taken over social media. and God forbid if you call it like it as a guy and comment with, "Nice ASS!", because you get called a sexist or chauvinist-pig because your mind went to sexiness instead of fitness. Yeah-right - every girl wants to called hot. I don't post selfies anymore either. But, still guilty as charged, I will ask my wife or my daughter to snap a picture of me every now and then to, 'keep my fans engaged' and let the 'world' know I'm still fit and rocking abs. But nothing beats posting professional work tear-sheets, because nothing is more validating than getting PAID. - Max

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  5. A GREAT post! <3 You really hit it right at the spot!

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  7. Umm that could be another way to look at the situation. I've never post photos like that but I love to see it. It does really motivate people and I know when people comment and like the photo, the person who took it has more motivation too.I just can't see bad point of doing that...

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  9. Thank you! I've been unfollowing folks in the fitness industry on social media who post constant ab and glute shots (seriously girls, you're gonna regret that thong pic one day). I appreciate your honesty and calling it for what it is.

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